She was sitting in the living room, gingerly holding a bruised arm. As she gently wiped a tear from an eye that was swollen and turning from black to purple in color, she surveyed the room to see who was bearing witness to her pain. As her eyes fell on me, I looked away, not knowing what to do.
I was 10 years old.
She was my aunt.
It was the first time I witnessed the pain and betrayal of domestic violence. But it wouldn’t be the last.
As I grew older, the stories came….aunts, cousins, grandmas…stories filled with hurt, anger, and resentment at all they had endured at the hands of the men in their lives. Men that I called uncle, cousin, grandpa.
Later, I bore witness as friends shared their own stories with me. Some of their stories had the word dad, boyfriend, husband.
Gradually, I learned to not look away.
Today, I am a volunteer trained advocate for victims of domestic violence and/or sexual assault through a local organization, The Women’s Center. When a victim first reports injury at a local hospital, my role is to help the victim in whatever they need in that moment, make a safety plan, and connect with resources that will be needed after the hospital visit concludes.
October marks Domestic Violence Awareness Month. The American Bar Association defines domestic violence as “a pattern of many behaviors directed at achieving and maintaining power and control over an intimate partner, such as physical violence, emotional abuse, isolation of the victim, economic abuse, intimidation, and coercion and threats.”
One in three women will experience domestic abuse. While physical violence will often be what makes outsiders aware of a problem, abuse begins when one individual seeks power and control over another. That seeking of power manifests itself in a myriad of ways, as demonstrated by the graphic below. A person can be in an abusive relationship that is not physically violent.
So why do I feel passionately about victims of domestic abuse?
God told me to.
God says in Micah 6:8, "He has show you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."
For me, walking into the unknown of a hospital room is holy ground. Sitting with another in one of the most painful moments of their lives is sacred. As Samantha Kilpatrick says, “We serve a Savior who brings light into dark places - abuse is a dark place, a place where Satan can thrive by multiplying shame and doubt. We bring light - the gospel - to these places by prioritizing the suffering of the victims, by validating their stories and the sin that has been perpetrated against them, and by being a refuge and safe haven.” (1)
This October, keep your eyes open. You likely know a 1-in-3.
What is God asking you to do? Share with us in the comments below. If you are a victim of domestic violence, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 800-799-7233.
(1) Becoming a Church that Cares Well for the Abused, Brad Hambrick, editor, copyright 2019, page 8.